ABOUT MY FAITH

Jun 10.09

I am frequently asked about my faith. At the end of my marriage to Ted Turner I became a Christian. For several years prior, I had begun to feel I was being lead. I felt a presence, a reverence humming within me. It was and is difficult to articulate.

Today I think I know what was happening: I was becoming embodied, whole. I had spent 60 years dis-embodied, trying to be perfect so I could be loved. You can’t be whole if you’re trying to be perfect. Now, as I entered my sixth decade and with much work, I could feel myself becoming whole and I knew: This is what God is. I was stunned when I read in William Bridges’s The Way of Transition, that in Matthew 5:48 when Jesus tells his disciples, “You, therefore, must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect,” it was a mistranslation of the Greek adjective teleios which actually means “whole, fully formed, fully developed.” Jesus wasn’t telling his disciples to be perfect like God, he was telling them to be whole, like God.

This is what the third step of Alcoholics Anonymous 12 Step Program means. It says we need to give ourselves over to our higher power, become whole (which addicts aren’t) by welcoming the Holy Spirit into our innermost selves.

I began looking for a container to house this fledgling feeling of reverence. Having grown up an atheist I had almost no experience of church and had never read the Bible but I had dear friends in my home-state of Georgia who found comfort and inspiration in their church community and they offered to open this world to me and “bring me to Christ.” Perhaps this would be the container I was seeking.

Unfortunately, my very private, tentative step into religion became a loud public misconception. A small- minded person, knowing about my quest, did an interview on a national website without my permission and said that, because of him, I had become a Born Again Christian. I had no intention of going public about my spiritual journey and in no way wanted to be tagged with the fundamentalism that Born-Again Christianity has come to be associated with. I found myself having to defend my action before I was entirely sure what it meant. I did feel reborn, I couldn’t deny that, but it had nothing to do with the perceived doctrines of fundamentalist Christianity.

Over the months, I went to Bible study every week, had it interpreted for me by biblical literalists, did my homework faithfully but, as time went on, I felt myself losing the very thing that had called me from within: Spirit. The literalness with which I was expected to read and interpret the Bible seemed to simplify and flatten out what I wanted to experience as metaphor. Christianity was beginning to feel shrunken, freeze-dried. Words like ‘Thou Shalt,’ ‘Salvation,” ‘Lord,’ and ‘Repentance,’ drowned out one of my favorite Sufi poems by Hafiz:

Every
Child
Has known God,
Not the God of names,
Nor the God of don’ts,
Nor the God who never does
Anything weird,
But the God who knows only four words
And keeps repeating them, saying:
“Come dance with Me.”
Come
Dance.

As I diligently slogged away in my weekly bible class, doing the homework and studying the charts, I began to notice that the dance was gone. Try to render it literal, concrete, and it dies. I had started my journey with a powerful sense of the divine presence, but the linear approach seemed too rigid to contain this and I began to get scared: What had I gotten myself into?  

I had met some inspiring, extraordinary Christians, but there were others that came at me, fingers pointing in my face, demanding to know my position on this or that and if I could not say certain key words like “died for our sins,” it meant I wasn’t a Christian.

I winced when God was spoken of as a man. God is beyond gender, beyond being, and although gendering God as “Him” may not seem consequential to many, I think it belies the nonbeingness of the Divine. Seeing God as “Him” only serves to reinforce the belief that since God is man, then man is God-like and women are less-than.

Riffat Hassan, a Pakistan-born professor of religious studies and humanities at the University of Louisville says that in Islamic, Jewish and Christian traditions there are three basic (and unwarranted) assumptions upon which the ideas of male superiority over women are founded: “first, that God’s primary creation is man, not woman, since woman is believed to have been created from man’s rib and is, therefore, derivative (As Carol Gilligan has said, “If you make a woman out of a man, you are bound to get into trouble); second, that woman was the primary agent of ‘Man’s Fall,’ and hence all ‘daughters of Eve’ are to be regarded with hatred, suspicion and contempt; and third, that woman was created not only from man but for man, which makes her existence merely instrumental.” From what I can see, none of this was Jesus’ idea. He did not see women as less-than after-thoughts. In fact, his friendships with women were revolutionary for that time. The more I study the teachings of Jesus, the more convinced I become that a foundational aspect of his teaching is the equality of women and men in God’s eyes, deserving of equal treatment. Look at the many women who followed him, sustained him. Look at the women who were shunned by all others but who Jesus touched and kissed and loved. Christian women preached and performed the Eucharist. It was to women that the arisen Christ appeared. After his death, when many Christians fled into the desert to set up Christian communities women outnumbered men 2 to 1.

I find particularly moving and plausible his special relationship with Mary, the apostle that is revealed in the Gospel of Mary. Jesus was love, not just love for some and not for others but…love…for all.

I think two thousand years ago, Jesus’ teachings, including and perhaps especially his respect for women, were so radical and so threatening to the Priesthood (Patriarchy) that they had to try to claim and cage and redefine him as “God in our [read male] image.” The formal church that grew up in the centuries following his death had to diminish the revolutionary content of his teachings in order to create a unified Christian church.

In my studies, I learned that 325 years after Jesus was crucified at the Council of Nicea, a gathering of Christian leaders, all men, decided by a show of hands and amidst bitter theological differences, what would be included as Biblical cannon and what was to be left out and decreed that Jesus was not only the Son of God but God himself.

In no way do I want to offend more traditional Christians, but if the content of the Bible was determined by a group of men (not all of whom agreed), then surely those seeking to know Jesus should not be demonized for looking outside the canons to what others (including women) had to say about Him.

I stopped my Bible study classes but was unwilling to renounce faith. I wanted to see if somewhere there wasn’t a perception of Jesus that reflected my intuition of him. This brought me to Elaine Pagels’s books on the Gnostics, along with various theologians’ and religious scholars’ interpretations of the Bible and the books of the early Christians, all of whom believed that experiencing the divine was more important than mere belief in the divine. I needed to move back into the reverence of metaphor, the language of the soul. That is where I know my faith wants to reside.

From time to time, there have been the awakened ones, conduits of perception, who, by fully embodying Spirit, have shown us the way—Jesus, Muhammed, Buddha, Allah, and others. Their messages have invariably been bare-bone-simple, remarkably similar and often embedded in metaphor, stories, and poems—all forms of art. Why? Because the non-linear, non-cerebral forms that are Art speak on a different frequency, they by-pass thinking, penetrate our defenses and jolt us open to consciousness.

For a while, I became a student at the Interdenominational Theological Seminary in Atlanta, the largest training center for African American ministers in the country. As a college drop-out who still has anxiety-ridden dreams of leaving a job unfinished, I relished being back in school and overwhelmed with homework: Biblical Exegesis, Feminist Interpretation, Systematic Theology. I was one of the few white students and, despite that, managed to come and go in anonymity—until Monster-In-Law came out and stirred up some excitement—the little old white lady in the back row is the one who kicked Jennifer Lopez’s ass!!

Over time, and, I feel, because I stepped outside of established religion, I was able to rekindle the spiritual experience that I’d been seeking. Some will say that because of all this I am not a true Christian. So be it. I feel like a Christian, I believe in the teachings of Jesus and try to practice them in my life. I have found Christians all over this country who feel as I do. They may not have been ‘saved’ yet they hum with divine spirit.

My faith is a work in progress (as am I) but I will plant my flag on the belief that God lives within each of us as Spirit (or soul). I like what Reverend Forrest Church says: “God is not God’s name. God is our name for that which is greater than all and yet present in all.” I believe that Christ was the personal incarnation of the divine wisdom in everything, including every form of spiritual expression.

Lots of folks go to church every Sunday and spend the rest of their time avoiding dealing with the question of consciousness. They try to pass time with pastimes, possessions, prestige. They think about God and talk about their religious beliefs but avoid experiencing Spirit. Thinking and experiencing aren’t the same. One happens in the head. The other is a flash, a rush of intuition that seems to permeate our entire being. That is what Jesus meant when he said that God is within us. That is what I am seeking, and I have found that since I have come to feel God within me, I experience less fear—of anything, including death. Sharon Salzberg, in her book “Faith,” explains it this way: “As our faith deepens, the ‘container’ in which fear arises gets bigger. Like a teaspoon of salt placed in a pond full of fresh water rather than in a narrow glass, if our measure of fear is arising in an open, vast space of heart, we will not shut down around it.”

Another result of my faith is that I have become a deeper, more embodied feminist. Helen LaKelly Hunt is right when she says in her book “Faith & Feminism,” that feminism is about fighting for the core beliefs and values of Christianity. “Religion and feminism are different expressions of the same impulse toward making life more just and whole.”

 

  William Bridges,  The Way of Transition, Perseus Publishing, p. 196

“Gospel of Mary of Magdala: Jesus and the Woman Apostle” by Karen King of Harvard Divinity School


Category: Matters That Move Me

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Responses to “ ABOUT MY FAITH ”

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  1. Lee Holden says:
    December 17, 2012 at 5:51 am

    Jane,

    First off, thank you for allowing us the oppertunity to talk with you about personal matters such as Faith…

    Secondly, I thought the Sufi poems by Hafiz you quoted were eloquent and tasteful …

    Thirdly, I have to say that when I first saw you on television it was in the film Barbarella and I remember thinking that you were the most beautiful woman that I had ever seen…. (plus my mother was called Barbara and she died when I was 12). I have therefore always had a fondness (no pun intended) for you!

    I am intrigued by your Spiritual journey and that it has led you outside what many would regard as mainstream Christianity, but that you still love Jesus and believe in him at the same time. I can relate to that in my life…

    I believe in Christianity and Jesus but also try to ‘experience’ God, and ‘learn’ about God any way I can. Not by turning to other religions per say but more by trying to use logic and science to understand who and what God is. Here is what I believe God to be in the simplist possible expression -

    1 – The source of all Love
    2 – The source of all Creation
    3 – The source of all Wisdom

    Now I still believe in Jesus and what the bible has to say about sin. Mainly because I have seen what sin is first hand in my life, when the bible talks about the need to be redeemed from sin then I know that it is absolutely correct!

    There are many things I would love to tell you about my life (what I have learned about God, my sufferings and the like) but this is a public platform and some things would be inappropriate. However, I do find some comfort knowing that you have a belief in Jesus and I for one am thankful for your life.

    God Bless!

    Lee

    • M. Dianne Berry says:
      February 16, 2013 at 6:37 pm

      Hi, Lee!

      I’m so glad you are testifying that Grace abounds greater than sin, but of course there is a monitor/compass to true faith and that separates us from the world. In fact, while attending BSF International (a scholarly study on the Word of God based on the original Hebrew and dead sea scrolls) I learned that a true child of God is “sensitive to sin”, however narrow the view and unpopular.

      I think the world is still trying to pry open what is too obvious to a child and reinvent what’s already been decreed from the start.

      Respectfully, Dianne

  2. M. Dianne Berry says:
    February 16, 2013 at 5:47 pm

    Hi, Jane,

    Your very real and honest explanation is equally as poetic. I like the fact that you are in touch with what most folks skip over- a sensitive response to the very belief they profess. It was so beautiful, intelligent, and rich, that I had to take a nap before I reflected and responded.<>

    At the same time, I’m wondering about your comment, “I stopped my Bible study classes but was unwilling to renounce faith. I wanted to see if somewhere there wasn’t a perception of Jesus that reflected my intuition of him.” Did you mean that intuition should be a more valid guide than biblical canon, or that in your experience, it was so personal that you wanted to make sure the bible was the whole truth? If you haven’t already, I pray that you’ll give the text of the bible another chance. After all, many of the patriarchs, prophets, apostles, and Jesus Christ Himself, quoted from the scriptures so as to satisfy man’s need for real evidence and most importantly, to fulfill the prophecies. Just as we depend on the constitution and the many by-laws to support what is fair and legal, the Lord captains a reference book we can stand behind.
    When I first accepted Christ, I “knew” it. It was clear. I did feel something, but it was the knowing that was different than anything. Some don’t have mountain top experiences or that “shift” in its confirmation, but I did. I would love to know if you had a specific happening such as this? A day, a time, the instant “knowing.

    Bragging on our God a little, He loved us FIRST. He Died for us FIRST, and as described in the anthem of John 3:16, we share in the FIRST plan of creation-to enjoy, worship, and be with Him eternally. That is salvation. All we have to do is repent, believe and accept it, but, as you mentioned, that is aesthetically a work in progress. The “wholeness” that is mentioned, is indeed, the union of our spirit through and with Jesus. Period. The rest is traveled and learned. I just don’t see enough about His sweet and masterful love that encompasses and entangles all human conditions. Instead, many of us use the “feeling” term to check mark our faith. I would love to see you, a super example of “before and after”, simply say that there is nothing worth living for as much as the unpopular surrender of self to God. If we can stop fencing Him in our little box of poetic justices, we come closer to that wholeness. God sees us as His Sonship has declared. Where is the repentance, the surrender, and the declaration of being a subject rather than a centerpiece of new age or self-interpreted enlightenment? There must be a first and final authority, no matter how many hoops had to be jumped through first. It was the “spirit” of the bible, the prophecies, and the fulfillments that affirm that authority.
    I’m more fundamental than you are, but I don’t apologize for it since the blood sacrifice is EVERYTHING. I’m not afraid to stand corrected if I am in error or to ask for wisdom and direction for every single move I make. I stopped rationalizing Christianity. It just can’t be done. I stopped being hungrier for the search than the find. As a former employer once said to anything that was skewed or being re-routed by mankind, ” It ain’t complicated!” To simply believe, is in itself, faith, but only if we resign to know that even the faith is not from us, Also, there IS intellectual ascent and consent, but the fact that we are SAVED is so awesome… so, so awesome, that the gender references melt. If God is said to be “He” , then, by golly, for now that’s how I want to reference Him. Feminists all over the world should know that they don’t need to be differentiated if they “know” Jesus personally, hear His voice through the Word, and enjoy the way we are touched by Him. How can we not forsake all other beliefs when He did that for us?

    In summation, I’d like to know if you are believing in the surrender worship portion of this faith. Hopefully, you’ll render to the readers this bright and morning Star who is above us , yet wants us to become a part of a predestined plan.
    1 Peter 2:9
    “But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.”

    • Jane says:
      February 17, 2013 at 4:14 pm

      Dianne Berry, thank you for this profound, dense communique. I need time and reflection to decipher all that you mean and how I feel about it. For eg, i need to really understand what you mean by “The surrender worship portion of this faith.” I still have much to learn and sort out for myself. A work in progress is how I see myself…maybe till I die.

  3. M. Dianne Berry says:
    February 21, 2013 at 10:15 pm

    Thanks for your response.
    Hope I wasn’t too “heady”. That wasn’t my intention at all. With the surrender worship portion of faith, I simply meant how you express your faith to our God. True attributes of a Christian aren’t necessarily people without questionable habits, addictions, dark areas that misrepresent what we believe. ” Good Works” , though commended and blessed, aren’t how we are heaven-bound. There’s NOTHING we can do to put us in eternity with God. It is only by Grace (unmerited favor). As you may know, only by Jesus’ sacrifice accepted. Grace.
    The Acrostic is
    G od’s
    R eward
    A t
    C hrist’s
    Ex pense.
    We give up ourselves to please and adore Him, waiting like a bride for His response. Our authority for His authority. By the world’s standards, this is not a popular or attractive belief, but it is the ones used by the patriarchs, the prophets, kings, those who gave up their own lives to follow Him. They are the ones who spoke with Him and who were so very blessed. ( Way back when God made public appearances!)
    As Christians, we aren’t doing the secular thing by just talking about Jesus as if He were a flavor of philosophy, but because He “IS” the only way, we admit we’re are making Him the One we praise daily, meditating his ways. I sing and play guitar, so I use my voice to praise Him. Though I’m not a “churchy” person, I go anyway for fellowship. It keeps me healthy instead of spiritually anemic.

    We are separated because we are called to a holier place. Other religions may renounce the trinity, but Christians know, by calling, that, at the risk of excluding others, we are the ones Jesus calls “by name”. Like He did Mary. This doesn’t mean others are “bad”, but they don’t truly know. SO, HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU ARE SAVED?

    In John 3:3 Jesus said, “… no one can see the kingdom of God unless he is born again.” Now, if you have repented of your sins and asked Jesus to be your Lord then you have been born again. You will sense the Holy Spirit’s presence in your life when He convicts you of guilt in regard to sin (John 16:8) Jane, this is not hatred. It is written. The acceptance and surrender of our authority is what we do to make us part of what is already written.

    It is a jubilation that compares to nothing the world could possibly give and I’m sure you’re so very glad this has happened to you!

    I love your desire to press toward the narrow gate. Let us pray for one another, as I whisper your precious name now! Really. Now. *wink*.

    Lastly, if you want to try to study again, I would suggest you try BSF International. It is a free an din-depth study of the Word based on the original Hebrew and dead sea scrolls. I grew by leaps and bounds. AWESOME!

    Thanks for tolerating my lengthy posts. You’re so neat!

  4. Doug Motel says:
    March 1, 2013 at 1:39 pm

    Dear Jane,
    I had no idea you were such a wonderful writer. Your voice is very clear and uncluttered or pretentious which is NOT easy to do when writing about God. Thank you!
    -Doug

  5. Pacis Dream says:
    March 12, 2013 at 11:49 am

    Great post, and too bad the genesis of your evolving spiritual path was subverted by people with special agendas. That however is to be expected, given your celebrity status. I see you as a symbol of progressive thought, not as a Hollywood fad, and I’m glad to read that your transformation is not in response to another fad. I’m sad to see religious extremism on the rise. Sarah Palin just inked a contract to write a book about taking back Christmas, but don’t mistake that for a book about the commercialization of Christmas, rather it’s a book about how only Christmas matters, not any of those “other” holidays. We’re all searching for answers, and I hope your journey leads you to the peaceful state of mind that we all seek.

    Nitpick: In the first paragraph of your blog, I think you may have meant to use the word “led”, as in past and past participle of “lead”, as opposed to “lead”.

  6. M. Dianne Berry says:
    March 15, 2013 at 8:57 pm

    Hi, Jane.
    I just had the biggest tug at my heart to tell you how LOVED you are.

    Must I repeat it? ” It ain’t complicated”. *tee hee*.

    Our words just aren’t good enough.

    “And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.”- Philippians 1:6

  7. Brenda LaGrone says:
    April 9, 2013 at 10:37 pm

    Jane:

    During the timeframe when I became a pregnant single mother, I found myself with a desire to know more about religion and to develop my own spirituality. I spent most of it devouring all the books I could find on the subject. It seemed to me that we as humans keep trying to put God in a box that many of us only take out on Sunday. But I found as my relationship with God grew that God is everywhere and everything our eyes can see. I was so busy looking outside me for answers that I felt I had missed an important key, to look within myself and feel God’s presence and love abiding in me. I had read about getting into the gap during meditation and to just be. I found that when I did, I could feel the warmth of God’s love flowing within and around me. To experience those awesome moments in time when I know I am truly connected with God reminds me that I am at once a part of the whole and yet we are here experiencing completely different realities in the same moment. Isn’t the power of a God who can do all that amazing?

    I wanted to add that I’ve admired the risks you’ve taken in life to be true to yourself and your beliefs. I believe that you have helped to guide millions of women the world over with your body of work as a role model. I know there were so many strong characters you portrayed that gave me a better idea of how to be and act as my own woman. I’ve laughed with you, cried with you, been entertained by you and along the way you’ve shown me how to be empowered. Thank you and thanks for letting me share!

  8. Gregory Lake says:
    April 11, 2013 at 10:47 am

    Dear Ms Fonda,
    I appreciate your honesty and ability to express your feelings and understanding as you grow in Godliness. I believe the truths expressed by Ms Berry. The reading of God’s Word on a regular basis has opened the door to “fullness” in my relationship with God (Father, Jesus Christ and His Holy Spirit). It wasn’t until a few years ago that I desired fullness as you are describing it. Clearly, as I looked at other “Christians” I didn’t see that they were any closer to God than I had been. I now believe that God was putting on my heart to choose either the world, with its many ways to be acceptable to “God” or to choose Him through the sacrifice of His only Son for my sin in order to be counted righteous before Him.

    Although there have been many great philosophers through the ages, Jesus Christ is the only one that died for my sins, was buried and rose again from the grave for ME. (It only makes sense that a pure and Holy God would only accept perfection.) I am now “perfect” before God because He sees me as purified by Christs blood. I know that of myself I am not nor will I ever be “perfect” in this body.

    The fullness is growing in me as I engage in relationship with Him. It causes me to experience joy, gratitude, peace, love and patience and to grow in my faith in Him.

    It is interesting that Matt 22:30 says that in the resurrection there will be no marriage. We are all seen by God as equal. But, while we are on earth, God’s plan for a successful marriage gives distinction for the rolls we play. Any “Godly” man will give his life for his wife just as Christ loves the Church and gave Himself for it. Eph 5:25. I have a hard time believing that a woman that is loved as Christ loved, would not be willing to partner with him and allow him to lead his family toward more Godliness. It is a win, win for everyone. I strive for this Godliness in my own family before the Lord.

    I wish you the peace and comfort in Him, that you desire.

  9. Gail Groves says:
    May 6, 2013 at 5:25 pm

    I’m listening to Prime Time (audiobook) on my commute, it’s very helpful….I’m 56 and looking ahead at that next phase. I’m glad you found your faith. In case you haven’t read it, I have a book recommendation: An Altar in the World, a Geography of Faith, by Barbara Brown Taylor. It’s about spiritual practices, the sacred in the everyday parts of life. In any case, thanks for the good info in Prime Time!

  10. Darla Earnest says:
    May 10, 2013 at 10:46 am

    Thank you for your honesty and congratulations on your new found relationship with God in the way of Jesus. There are so many like you who are seeing this relationship as a freedom FROM fear rather than a new path into new fears. The New Testament says that “perfect love casts out all fear,” and “in Christ there is no slave ore free, woman or man, etc….” I love how C.S. Lewis writes that “all truth is God’s truth” and how (paraphrasing) every religion has a bit of truth in it, otherwise humans would not be attracted to it, but the whole (there’s that word again!) the whole truth is Jesus. As we all live in the “now and not yet,” (C.S. Lewis) it is true we are positionally whole and perfect in God’s eyes, while practically “working out this salvation” (Bible) by striving to be whole, free of encumbering sin and in essence and action more like Jesus. Anne Lamott is an inspiring Christian feminist writer, and You may enjoy her writings, if you haven’t read them already.
    Regarding women and the ultra-right wing, of which I am somewhat a part (surprise!), in many places, it is more a tradition for males to have leadership than a deep-seeded belief. The laypeople think differently than in the past as the evangelical trend toward in-depth personal Bible study has lead many more women, I particular, to think, read and pray for themselves….the tide is changing, and I think God is smiling.

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