It has been 7 months since I’ve been back at the ranch–since Christmas. A lot has happened in that time–fun things, exciting things, challenging things, too. I started blogging and tweeting for one thing. Now I’m back and it feels so good. There has been rain almost twice a day. This wouldn’t be good right now if you’re a New Yorker, but here in New Mexico it’s manna from heaven and as a result, the ranch has welcomed me back dressed in its most resplendent greenery.

View from my bedroom across the river

I’ve been hiking an hour or more every day, swimming, getting back into a semblance of shape. Saw a bear yesterday from my office window on the other side of the river, ambling lazily through the grove of box elders. I camped out on various parts of the ranch back in 2000 when I got it and was trying to decide where to build my home. One reason I decided on this spot is because I like looking across the river at the tall cliffs with that dense grove of box elders at the base that turn bright yellow in the fall.

I’ve seen bear there quite often as well as coyote, fox, bob cat, and ring-tailed cat. I look out from my bedroom and office across the river to those trees and it makes my heart sing. I identify with bear. They are social, playful creatures who love to frolic and cavort. But then, they need to be alone. Being here for me is a form of hibernation when I replenish. So much (too much?) of the rest of my life is public, moving around, being ‘on.’ I need this place to fill back up and be reminded of who I am behind the public persona. I have a wonderful crew of guys–Gilbert, Miguel, Rudy and Julien-who take care of the land and the equipment. It’s big so it takes a lot of caring for. Something’s always going wrong: rabbits or gophers have eaten through the electric lines; I am unable to get internet service (the case right now which is why I am writing this on my Blackberry); the roads get washed out; dogs get bitten by rattle snakes which are particularly abundant this year. This doesn’t happen to Tulea because she’s always at my side. A horse gets colic or goes lame. Carole who was helping me out in L.A. post op, is here now with her husband Tommy. I especially need them when my family’s here and right now it’s Vanessa, her 2 children and next week Matt Arnett, their Daddy, arrives along with the James Andrews family. James is the one who persuaded me to start blogging last January and his 2 children go to school in Atlanta with my grandkids. Still, we can hold a lot of people so it’s far from a full house.

and then there's my definitely urban friend, Richard Perry, in his recording studio. What will he think of the ranch? Stay tuned

I’ve finally begun to tackle the chapter on sex. As of now, I begin it with my interview with 101 year old Ben Burke who told me how he had developed a fondness for 95 year old Edith who lives in the assisted living floor of his senior living center. He called her and asked if he could come up and share a banana and animal crackers with her. On the 2nd visit things progressed from there…the slow, titillating unbuttoning of flannel pajamas… It’s nice to know that skin time never gets old even if the bodies do.

I will now got back to that chapter.

See you next time.

Tulea is so happy to be home. When she got out of the elevator she ran to the door of our loft-well, not ran, skipped is more like it, and I mean it literally. She skips. I never knew another dog who skips. She raced around the place looking for Mouse, the brindle cat she grew up with and loved to play with. Mouse would perch on the back of the couch and jump on top of Tulea when she went by and then they’d roll around and wrestle. But for reasons we don’t understand, Mouse began to poop on my furniture so she now lives with Carole and Tommy and there’ve been no more problems. Carole brought Mouse over today and Tulea was so excited. She was all over Mouse, but Mouse could have cared less. Poor Tulea-except on the way to the airport, I will drop her off with the couple who pet sit and who Tulea adores. It’s more than mutual and they have two small dogs and two big cats that Tulea also loves. The couple are middle aged and their business is called ManyPaws-get it, menopause. Cute, huh? Tulea gets so excited when she realizes she’s at their house that she forgets that we’ll be apart for awhile. It makes it so much easier to leave.

Tulea with Daphne, Jane and her second family.

Tulea’s home away from home

Over lunch I will have a meeting with James Andrews about growing my blog, twittering, FaceBook, and hooking up with TONIC to sell my mug shot merchandise. James was at the Ludacris event last night doing a streaming video with his iphone and something called Ustream.

Gotta leave for the airport. Will be blogging and twittering from Equdor and the Galapagos.

Look what Susan Kellerman just sent, knowing I was about to depart for the Galapagos…with the words “Don’t forget your other family.” Isn’t that fantastic? Like I ever could. From the left it’s Samantha, Don, Caitlin (in the back-my understudy), Diane, me, Cletus, Colin

In car en route to airport with Malcolm on my lap.

Nathalie, Troy, Vanessa and Viva in Delta Lounge

Simone and Troy at airport

See you next time.

Our last Two-show day. My knee went out during the Letterman Show. See, I was supposed to have knee replacement in January but when I accepted to do the play I postponed the surgery and got cortisone shots. You are allowed one shot every three months. The last one was only effective 6 weeks but the doctor said I could get another one to tide me over till the surgery (which has been rescheduled for mid June). Well, it isn’t working anymore and so yesterday I did both shows using a cane the whole time. I managed it well enough so that people who hadn’t seen the show before thought it was part of my character. No one even seemed to wonder why I had a cane for the curtain call. I hate that tonight, our final show, I will be using a cane but, hey, that’s life. And at least I’m playing a character who ends up in a wheel chair and then a gurney. As I have written in my yet-to-be-finished book on aging, when you get older there are aches and pains and you can let that define you or you can learn to live with it and get on with life. Guess which way I’ve chosen. But—the Galapagos will be interesting on a cane. I don’t know exactly how much walking there will be. Some, I know, and on volcanic islands which are tough to walk on. But the swimming and boat parts should be fine. And in the airports, my grandchildren can ride on my lap in the wheelchair.

Okay, so back to yesterday. Some really interesting people came backstage afterwards. Estelle Parsons, for one. Now there’s a powerful lady!! She’s in her eighties and goes up and down a humongous flight of stairs all throughout her play, “August: Osage County.” I haven’t seen her in it but have heard she is amazing. She has gone on the road with it—for 40 weeks!!! I will interview her for my book. I want to know how she stays physically strong (her husband is about 25 years younger than her and says he can’t keep up with her.)

Estelle Parsons (photo: Michael Rudd)

Then, James Andrews came back. He’s the man who persuaded me to start blogging and helped me set it all up and introduced me (by phone) to the mysterious J.J. in Detroit who makes it all happen technically. James came with Pankaj Shah, the man who launched the website TONIC, which sells merchandise to benefit non-profit organizations, Donna Karen turned me onto him. She is on his board. Pankaj and James are discussing how TONIC can help me sell my mug shot totes, clutches and T-shirts for the benefit of G-CAPP.

James Andrews

James Andrews, Me and Pankaj Shah of Tonic.com

Speaking of Georgia, State Senator Nan Orrock came to the show with State Representative Mary Margaret Oliver. I’ve known and worked with them both ever since I arrived in Georgia 18 years ago. They were also with Mary Frances Williams, a progressive lobbyist for women and children who has help G-CAPP over the years and Nancy Hall, retired director of Georgia Public Broadcasting.

Senator Nan Orrock and Representative Mary Margaret Oliver

Nancy G. Hall and Mary Frances Williams

Last night, Eve Ensler and Pat Mitchell came again-for the umpteenth time and we all went to dinner where Moises joined us. It was so much fun I stayed longer than I intended. I feel so blessed to have fierce, precious friends like Eve and Pat.

Pat Mitchell, Me, and Eve Ensler (photo: Michael Rudd)

Dick Cavett (photo: Michael Rudd)

Jane Alexander (photo: Michael Rudd)

See you next time

I have been thinking a lot about whether or not to continue blogging. I began this whole endeavor because I wanted to take people through the day-to-day process of doing a Broadway play—after 46 years. I also thought it would be a way for me to keep my own record of the process that I could refer to in the future when I needed reminding of who said what, of how I felt, of who visited me. I hadn’t thought much beyond that and there was a nagging concern that blogging was a form of ego tripping and/or not being “in the moment.” I am fairly convinced that the latter is not true. I find myself, oddly, very much in every moment, weighing its meaning in my life, asking myself if it has meaning beyond me that I might want to share. Obviously many things go on-in my head and objectively in my life-that I do not share. But I’ve had to think about it. Hence, as I look back over these last four months, my thoughts, activities, feelings, experiences feel clearer and more acute than usual. I attribute this, in part, to blogging although I realize it may also be because of the unusual nature of what’s been happening to me.

The ego part is less clear. Perhaps that will remain so, I don’t know. Is it ego or is it becoming more self conscious? We tend to think of the term ‘self-conscious’ as meaning something bad-as being awkward or uncomfortable with oneself. But the way I am using it, it means something rather different-a consciousness of self, how our presence impacts people, how much of who we are do we actually own. I spent most of my life lacking self consciousness. This is something Katharine Hepburn criticized me for-she, the ultimate example of self-consciousness. As I age, I think a lot about this and am aware that my becoming more self conscious also means I am taking more control over my life-what there is left of it. (And realizing all the while, that the notion of us having control is so relative it’s laughable).

All this to say that the blog makes me more self conscious, more aware of the different aspects of my life, what matters and what doesn’t; what might matter to someone else  and what might not. So—I am going to continue to blog. Maybe not every day. Maybe just when there’s something going on, internally or externally, that might be of use or interest. For instance, I leave this play (and New York) the morning of May 22nd. I leave for the Galapagos Islands with a boat load of friends and family for 8 days. I was just told that I will be able to blog from there!! When Ted and I split up, I made a list of things I wanted to do before I die that I could perhaps turn into fundraisers for the Georgia Campaign for Adolescent Pregnancy Prevention. In 2000, about a dozen rich and fit friends trekked with me to Machu Pichu. This Galapagos trip is also a fundraiser and there will much to report back on and photograph. My blogging support system composed of James Andrews and J.J. make it so easy and fun.

So, between now and the fall, I will be working on my book and then, God willing and the creek don’t rise, I am going to do a movie. Because it is not 100% certain I am not allowed to say what it is or who with, but if it happens, it will be rich soil for interesting blogging. After that, I will again do an eight-day silent Buddhist meditation retreat in Santa Fe and then, hopefully, another movie. Not a bad year for an old gal. I feel lucky. But, as I have said before, luck is preparation meeting opportunity.

My main concern is how blogging will impact my book writing. I have less than a year to finish my book about aging, “The Third Act: Entering Prime Time.” My editor wants to bring it out in September or November 2010 and, as I am a slow book writer (as opposed to blog writer which I do very quickly), I have my work cut out for me. I decided last night, by the way, to make an exercise program(s) for people in their third acts to come out at the same time. I’m excited at the prospect of getting back into the fitness arena.

Got to leave now for the theatre. Eva Mendes is coming this afternoon along with a group of young women from my high school alma mater, Emma Willard, who are being escorted by the wonderful school principal, Trudy Hall. Among the girls will be three “Fonda Scholars.” I am so looking forward to performing for them.

With Eva Mendes (photo: Michael Rudd)

Alan and Marilyn Bergman-the world famous composers and lyricists, few things could make me as happy as seeing how profoundly they were moved by the play. I have gotten to know Eva Mendes because she is my daughter-in-law’s best friend.

With Marilyn and Alan Bergman (photo: Michael Rudd)

Three Fonda scholar students from Emma Willard (photo: Michael Rudd)

I misunderstood and thought there were going to be young women from Emma Willard. Turns out there were the 3 Fonda scholars (2 juniors and a freshman) and the others were in the vicinity of my class–give or take.

Me and the whole Emma Willard gang (photo: Micheal Rudd)

Anna Mantero ’10 Jane Fonda Scholar

Annie Hudson ’10 Jane Fonda Scholar

Denise Meza ’12 Jane Fonda Scholar

See you next time.

Okay, so James didn’t come last night, but Sally is out there. We’re having dinner afterwards. I can’t wait to get her response to the play. It matters to me (so did Mike Nichols’s). She knows and adores Moises, our writer/director, and was so thrilled for me when I told her I was doing this play. I’m so glad she found time from “Brothers and Sisters” to come here. I will always regret that I missed her performance in “Glass Menagerie’ at the Kennedy Center. I did see her in Edward Albee’s “Goat.” She was amazing. Knocked me out.

Sally Field (photo: Micheal Rudd)

I want to write about my fellow actors in this play and our little rituals and such. This social life-part of theatre life takes up too much time but I know my blog friends enjoy hearing about it. Tomorrow I will do it.

Ah, tomorrow, I will spend the day with my grandchildren. I’ve been saving the documentary “Man on Wire” to watch with them. I saw it once already and adored it. I am so excited to see them. It’s been since January 4th-the infamous breakfast with James Andrews when he (and the father of my grandchildren, Matt Arnett) persuaded me to begin blogging. Seems an eternity ago. Malcolm, the older (10 years) won’t talk to me by phone. He says he doesn’t like to talk unless he can see people. He’ll change.

My niece is out of the hospital, weak but better. Alas, she must return to London Saturday so can’t see the play. She looked so beautiful last night with her lovely face against the hospital pillow. A classic beauty. I didn’t dare ask to take her picture. It didn’t feel right. I do have some principles, after all.

Don who plays Diabelli, bought me a pair of opera glasses so tonight I will really be able to scan the audience from behind the bookcases before the show starts.

Me and Larry Rinder. We became friends when he currated the Gees Bend Quilts exhibit at the Whitney. Now Larry is currator at the Berkeley Art museum. (photo: Micheal Rudd)

Laura Heery and Helen Weeks (photo: Michael Rudd)

Wolf Girls of Vassar College (photo: Michael Rudd)

T-shirt with Mugshot 1970 (photo: Michael Rudd)

See you next time.

You might wonder why, at age 71, I am launching my first blog. Well, good friends of mine (Rosie and Lily) have been avid bloggers for a long time and I’ve noticed that what they offer is interesting and provoking. Provoking is good—provoking ideas, thoughts, laughs, compassion and just plain fun. I like to provoke. I have interesting friends, an amazingly diverse and interesting life and family, great photos. There’s a lot to get into on a blog.

So—I had breakfast in Atlanta in the beginning of January with my friend, Matt Arnett. Matt really wanted me to meet a friend of his whose kids go to the same school as my grandchildren because he thought this tech-savy friend might be able to help my Georgia-based Non-profit, The Georgia Campaign for Adolescent Pregnancy Prevention improve its website. (More about that another time). Actually, we never even got around to G-CAPP because I got so inspired to start my own blog. Matt, James (that’s his name—James Andrews) and James’s wife Sherrelle Kirkland-Andrews, pointed out to me that there’s such malarkey floating around the net about me. Why not begin to tell my own story, my thoughts, and activities (past, present and future) rather than letting others—sometimes hostile others—try to put out their own spin on me. That’s part of it. But the idea also occurred to me that I was about to launch into a new adventure in this third act of mine and that it might be interesting to bring people along with me.

The adventure is that I am returning to Broadway for the first time in 45 years. Why not try, with this blog, to convey what it’s like… day by day…the excitement, scariness, the highs and lows.

So, although I’ve just gone online today, I have, in fact, been blogging for three weeks now and you can follow all the posts from the beginning by clicking here.

Today, during lunch break, I took my dog, Tulea, for a walk and it really hit me how much I miss my dad. When he returned from his stint in the Navy after WWII he went straight to Broadway to star in “Mr. Roberts.” He played that role every day for four years, never missing a performance! It was not customary in those days—the 40s and 50s—for movie stars to go back and forth from Hollywood to Broadway. But theatre was Dad’s great love. My brother and I grew up knowing and respecting this about him. He loved the immediacy of playing before a live audience. The instant feedback. He was meticulous, always doing exactly the same things, the same moves, the same inflections, every night. I have heard this from so many of his fellow actors.

Now that I am doing theater again after a huge absence, I can’t help but wish he was still here with me–to see. Not that he would give me advice. That wasn’t his style. But I wish he knew that I’ve come back to his place of love.

There have been days during these weeks of rehearsals when I seem incapable of doing the same thing over and over…even twice, never mind for 4 years! I wonder how he was able to do it. I want to please him…still. Do we ever get over this need to please the parent we were closest to?

* * * * * * * *

Moises Kaufman, the writer and director, has us doing run throughs more frequently now and it helps so much to experience the sweep of the play. We begin tech rehearsals in the actual theatre—the Eugene O’Neill–next week (gulp!) so we are starting to fine tune and lock in the blocking.

I love watching the other actors in their scenes. So funny, so touching, so outrageous! I like how we are melding together as a unit, all watching out for each other. Colin (Hanks) has had a cold for several days and last night he had to fly to Las Vegas to perform a scene he did with the actors in the TV series “Mad Men.” We’re all worried about him and he left with all of us bombarding him with special remedies for stopping colds.

I couldn’t resist taking this picture of Don Amendolia who plays Diabelli, the music publisher whose small waltz is the inspiration for Beethoven’s great opus, 33 Variations. That’s him behind the paper, sleeping with Tulea during a break.

Susan Kellerman, who plays the librarian in charge of the Beethoven archive, is insisting that I grant them all visiting rights with Tulea when the play is over. “Over”! What a concept.

Tomorrow I have an early costume fitting so I’m off to bed.

See you next time.