Hard to believe it’s already August 10th.

I walked with the dogs for two hours (my daughter’s dog Freaka who was bitten by a rattlesnake last week is ok now and came with Tulea and me) and then did physical therapy in the pool for an hour and have been writing ever since—writing and reviewing a wonderful book I’ve read several times—a book about relationships and sexuality. “The Passionate Marriage” by David Schnarch. I highly recommend it to those of who interested in deepening intimacy. (I’m still working on the chapter about sex and having a lot of fun writing it and reading about sex). It helps that I can talk to my sweetie without worrying about losing the signal. There was such a minute window of opportunity time-wise as well as signal-wise while I was at the retreat so this feels like a treat.

Matt Arnett, father of my grands, has been here. He’s an avid fisherman but can’t seem to get either Malcolm or Viva interested in the sports, something that saddens us both. James Andrews and his family just arrived from Atlanta and I will go be with them in a moment. I’ll also take a picture of them for the blog. A gorgeous family. Viva and Skye just came into my office to play with the dogs. James is the one who persuaded me to start blogging and has been an ever-present and helpful tech friend. Couldn’t/wouldn’t have done it without him. The other end of the duo is JJ in Detroit. I run everything past them both. JJ designed the blog and does the T-shirts which I sell in the “shop” to support g-capp.

Malcolm and Elijah

Matt fishing below the house

Viva and Skye

Malcolm, Sherrelle and Matt

Tulea and Freaka

Sherrelle

Viva and her Obama T-shirt

I’ve only had my MAC Book PRO for a month and still have lots of questions so this week I’ll ask James to tutor me.  Downloading photos from my new camera right now is an endless struggle. But I know that with James’s help I will “get” it.

It’s a perfect New Mexico evening, clear sky, no pollution (there’s never any pollution here), the sound of the river soothes, the hummingbirds dart and dive around our feeders. I feel blessed. My body hurts but I observe it and don’t identify with it. Life goes on.

See you next time.

It has been 7 months since I’ve been back at the ranch–since Christmas. A lot has happened in that time–fun things, exciting things, challenging things, too. I started blogging and tweeting for one thing. Now I’m back and it feels so good. There has been rain almost twice a day. This wouldn’t be good right now if you’re a New Yorker, but here in New Mexico it’s manna from heaven and as a result, the ranch has welcomed me back dressed in its most resplendent greenery.

View from my bedroom across the river

I’ve been hiking an hour or more every day, swimming, getting back into a semblance of shape. Saw a bear yesterday from my office window on the other side of the river, ambling lazily through the grove of box elders. I camped out on various parts of the ranch back in 2000 when I got it and was trying to decide where to build my home. One reason I decided on this spot is because I like looking across the river at the tall cliffs with that dense grove of box elders at the base that turn bright yellow in the fall.

I’ve seen bear there quite often as well as coyote, fox, bob cat, and ring-tailed cat. I look out from my bedroom and office across the river to those trees and it makes my heart sing. I identify with bear. They are social, playful creatures who love to frolic and cavort. But then, they need to be alone. Being here for me is a form of hibernation when I replenish. So much (too much?) of the rest of my life is public, moving around, being ‘on.’ I need this place to fill back up and be reminded of who I am behind the public persona. I have a wonderful crew of guys–Gilbert, Miguel, Rudy and Julien-who take care of the land and the equipment. It’s big so it takes a lot of caring for. Something’s always going wrong: rabbits or gophers have eaten through the electric lines; I am unable to get internet service (the case right now which is why I am writing this on my Blackberry); the roads get washed out; dogs get bitten by rattle snakes which are particularly abundant this year. This doesn’t happen to Tulea because she’s always at my side. A horse gets colic or goes lame. Carole who was helping me out in L.A. post op, is here now with her husband Tommy. I especially need them when my family’s here and right now it’s Vanessa, her 2 children and next week Matt Arnett, their Daddy, arrives along with the James Andrews family. James is the one who persuaded me to start blogging last January and his 2 children go to school in Atlanta with my grandkids. Still, we can hold a lot of people so it’s far from a full house.

and then there's my definitely urban friend, Richard Perry, in his recording studio. What will he think of the ranch? Stay tuned

I’ve finally begun to tackle the chapter on sex. As of now, I begin it with my interview with 101 year old Ben Burke who told me how he had developed a fondness for 95 year old Edith who lives in the assisted living floor of his senior living center. He called her and asked if he could come up and share a banana and animal crackers with her. On the 2nd visit things progressed from there…the slow, titillating unbuttoning of flannel pajamas… It’s nice to know that skin time never gets old even if the bodies do.

I will now got back to that chapter.

See you next time.

Okay, so James didn’t come last night, but Sally is out there. We’re having dinner afterwards. I can’t wait to get her response to the play. It matters to me (so did Mike Nichols’s). She knows and adores Moises, our writer/director, and was so thrilled for me when I told her I was doing this play. I’m so glad she found time from “Brothers and Sisters” to come here. I will always regret that I missed her performance in “Glass Menagerie’ at the Kennedy Center. I did see her in Edward Albee’s “Goat.” She was amazing. Knocked me out.

Sally Field (photo: Micheal Rudd)

I want to write about my fellow actors in this play and our little rituals and such. This social life-part of theatre life takes up too much time but I know my blog friends enjoy hearing about it. Tomorrow I will do it.

Ah, tomorrow, I will spend the day with my grandchildren. I’ve been saving the documentary “Man on Wire” to watch with them. I saw it once already and adored it. I am so excited to see them. It’s been since January 4th-the infamous breakfast with James Andrews when he (and the father of my grandchildren, Matt Arnett) persuaded me to begin blogging. Seems an eternity ago. Malcolm, the older (10 years) won’t talk to me by phone. He says he doesn’t like to talk unless he can see people. He’ll change.

My niece is out of the hospital, weak but better. Alas, she must return to London Saturday so can’t see the play. She looked so beautiful last night with her lovely face against the hospital pillow. A classic beauty. I didn’t dare ask to take her picture. It didn’t feel right. I do have some principles, after all.

Don who plays Diabelli, bought me a pair of opera glasses so tonight I will really be able to scan the audience from behind the bookcases before the show starts.

Me and Larry Rinder. We became friends when he currated the Gees Bend Quilts exhibit at the Whitney. Now Larry is currator at the Berkeley Art museum. (photo: Micheal Rudd)

Laura Heery and Helen Weeks (photo: Michael Rudd)

Wolf Girls of Vassar College (photo: Michael Rudd)

T-shirt with Mugshot 1970 (photo: Michael Rudd)

See you next time.

You might wonder why, at age 71, I am launching my first blog. Well, good friends of mine (Rosie and Lily) have been avid bloggers for a long time and I’ve noticed that what they offer is interesting and provoking. Provoking is good—provoking ideas, thoughts, laughs, compassion and just plain fun. I like to provoke. I have interesting friends, an amazingly diverse and interesting life and family, great photos. There’s a lot to get into on a blog.

So—I had breakfast in Atlanta in the beginning of January with my friend, Matt Arnett. Matt really wanted me to meet a friend of his whose kids go to the same school as my grandchildren because he thought this tech-savy friend might be able to help my Georgia-based Non-profit, The Georgia Campaign for Adolescent Pregnancy Prevention improve its website. (More about that another time). Actually, we never even got around to G-CAPP because I got so inspired to start my own blog. Matt, James (that’s his name—James Andrews) and James’s wife Sherrelle Kirkland-Andrews, pointed out to me that there’s such malarkey floating around the net about me. Why not begin to tell my own story, my thoughts, and activities (past, present and future) rather than letting others—sometimes hostile others—try to put out their own spin on me. That’s part of it. But the idea also occurred to me that I was about to launch into a new adventure in this third act of mine and that it might be interesting to bring people along with me.

The adventure is that I am returning to Broadway for the first time in 45 years. Why not try, with this blog, to convey what it’s like… day by day…the excitement, scariness, the highs and lows.

So, although I’ve just gone online today, I have, in fact, been blogging for three weeks now and you can follow all the posts from the beginning by clicking here.

Today, during lunch break, I took my dog, Tulea, for a walk and it really hit me how much I miss my dad. When he returned from his stint in the Navy after WWII he went straight to Broadway to star in “Mr. Roberts.” He played that role every day for four years, never missing a performance! It was not customary in those days—the 40s and 50s—for movie stars to go back and forth from Hollywood to Broadway. But theatre was Dad’s great love. My brother and I grew up knowing and respecting this about him. He loved the immediacy of playing before a live audience. The instant feedback. He was meticulous, always doing exactly the same things, the same moves, the same inflections, every night. I have heard this from so many of his fellow actors.

Now that I am doing theater again after a huge absence, I can’t help but wish he was still here with me–to see. Not that he would give me advice. That wasn’t his style. But I wish he knew that I’ve come back to his place of love.

There have been days during these weeks of rehearsals when I seem incapable of doing the same thing over and over…even twice, never mind for 4 years! I wonder how he was able to do it. I want to please him…still. Do we ever get over this need to please the parent we were closest to?

* * * * * * * *

Moises Kaufman, the writer and director, has us doing run throughs more frequently now and it helps so much to experience the sweep of the play. We begin tech rehearsals in the actual theatre—the Eugene O’Neill–next week (gulp!) so we are starting to fine tune and lock in the blocking.

I love watching the other actors in their scenes. So funny, so touching, so outrageous! I like how we are melding together as a unit, all watching out for each other. Colin (Hanks) has had a cold for several days and last night he had to fly to Las Vegas to perform a scene he did with the actors in the TV series “Mad Men.” We’re all worried about him and he left with all of us bombarding him with special remedies for stopping colds.

I couldn’t resist taking this picture of Don Amendolia who plays Diabelli, the music publisher whose small waltz is the inspiration for Beethoven’s great opus, 33 Variations. That’s him behind the paper, sleeping with Tulea during a break.

Susan Kellerman, who plays the librarian in charge of the Beethoven archive, is insisting that I grant them all visiting rights with Tulea when the play is over. “Over”! What a concept.

Tomorrow I have an early costume fitting so I’m off to bed.

See you next time.