Hello Jane,

Your feelings of frustration about your dad not communicating, as [resented in your book, are understandable..

Being a man maybe I can shed a little light. Men are often expected by society to be strong. It seems men are weak when they share feelings and emotions other than anger. So we keep a stiff upper lip and hold everything in. It’s engrained in us.

You mentioned you felt jealous when your dad opened up to strangers, Often, I think my family is going to argue or denigrate my feelings, so I just don’t share. When talking to a stranger, often it’s easier to express myself because I feel I won’t be judged or criticized.

Erroneously, sometimes we men feel our families should know and understand our our feelings without our having to verbalizing them.

These are wrong feelings, but we men act the way we think society has modeled us. As strong, unemotional and able to cope. If we talk too much, people realize these things aren’t necessarily true.

Often while with one of my friends, we don’t talk, yet we enjoy each others company. We might be together in the car for an hour or so and maybe only say four or five words to each other. Yet we enjoy each other. I think women enjoy talking for their social activities, where men sometimes just enjoy have someone near and don’t rely on verbalizations..

I don’t want you to think your dad purposefully withheld himself from you for malice. I think just his being there with you was enough for him, mot realizing that many people need more than just presence.

I think your dad expressed his love to you nonverbally, and even in his artwork. I’m not saying your dad’s behavior is right, but please don’t feel rejected as men often express love in non-overt ways. Your dad loved you in the best way he was capable..

Barry