I’m in Santa Barbara staying with my friends Jane and Ron Olson who have a beautiful, welcoming home right on the beach. The weather is sparkling, the flowers abundant. Life couldn’t be better.
Yesterday I interviewed my friends Dick and Mickey Flacks who live in Santa Barbara. I got to know them when I married Tom. They were all part of the early SDS at the University of Michigan. Dick is now retired from being a tenured professor of Sociology and she was a professor of Biology at university of California, Santa Barbara. They are celebrating their 50th Wedding anniversary which for me, with my history, seems a miracle. I wanted to talk to them about how they managed to stay together, happily and productively for so long. I am writing about marriage and relationships in general in my book about aging. They are another proof that the most successful marriages occur in the absence of rigid gender stereotypes…”you are the woman and should be doing this and I’m the man and I should be doing this…”
Dick and Mickey Flacks
My old roommate, Carol Kurtz drove me up here from L.A. And it was fun to spend time with her and do some catching up. She and her husband, Jack, and son, Cory, lived downstairs from me and Tom (and Troy and Vanessa) in Ocean Park, CA for a number of years during the Vietnam War and in the tumult and controversy of those years I always knew Carol had my back.
In the midst of post surgery I am falling in love and it’s a splendid way to hasten recovery and I highly recommend it. Who would have thought at 71–and on crutches, no less. Actually, I am just now walking without crutch or cane. Slowly, but still.
Bridget
I am about to go to my niece Bridget Fonda and her husband, Danny Elfman’s home for a party. I’ve never been there but Troy tells me the home is amazing as is their home in Hancock Park, L.A. They were at my closing night of “33 Variations” and I haven’t seen them since then. Danny is one of the most successful and respected composers for films. For you older folk he was the lead in the band Oingo Boingo back in the day. Remember? I will take pictures.
Danny and Bridget
Stay tuned.
Tony Letts
Sounds like your book will be a good read! Hope your recovery is quick
Sue Fawcett
How lucky you are to be falling in love at 71 (you give me hope in many respects). When will we know who the lucky person is, by the way? 🙂 Just kidding. Have a Happy 4th of July at Bridget’s house…looking forward to the photos. I think you’re quite right about the best marriages not being predicated upon sexist stereotypes (such unreal nonsense to embrace, for any purpose). Glad to hear your knee is doing well. Our health is everything!
Karen
Sounds like you are getting back in the swing of things…in a big way. You go girl! Have fun, hope you get back to making those rumoured movies soon!
Timothy Dougherty
University of California, Santa Barbara,that is a wonderful campus. Most people do not know that Michael Douglas, who graduated with a B.A. in dramatic art from UCSB in 1968 He has helped his alma mater funding the Center for Film, Television and New Media . Good to see you moving about and enjoying the world some ,seem when I was in New York I did not have time and when I was in France Recently you were just going ,and now I am in Southern California and your in the central coast, were I love to go to the Pismo Beach restaurants just a little up from San Barbara.
The weather is very nice this time of year, have a wonderful fourth.
sandy woodall
you have such an interesting life Jane, glad you share it with us.
John Anthony Miller
Jane!
Happy 4th ! You look terrific ! Keep the faith forever!
I am just down the road in Ventura from where you were in Santa Barbara…here a nice sunny day and doing the apple pie and fireworks thing with artistic friends in Santa Paula about 15 miles down the backroad from my home.
Love,
John
(John Anthony Miller)
PS: I first saw you in “Barbarella” in a Fresno drive in when it came out…a while back!
Sheila Sheppard
Okay. I’ve gone back and read the paragraph three times…you’re falling in love? Just kinda slipped that in there, didn’t ya? Hooray for you!!!
Anna
Ha. I’re read the paragraph you’re referring to and I almost missed that. Sneaky. 🙂
Nicky
First time reader of your blog & love all the info you are so generous to share with us. Thanks xo
Pat Simons
great picture of Bridget and Danny! Happy holiday Jane.
Petra
I love the way you write. I feel like we are close friends when I am reading your blog; you are so open and warm. Thank you.
Peppi Turco
It’s great to see you’re doing so well. Your father was the one who inspired me to leave Omaha and go to out to auditions in both New York and LA. Although we only spoke a few times, his moral fiber remained with me. I always considered you a distant relative in spirit.
Although he didn’t believe in life after death, I was walking the Universal Lot a couple of years ago trying to determine whether or not I should take a studio job and settle. For some unknown reason I said out loud “Well Henry, do I take one of these job?”
His face over took my visual field and I could suddenly smell his aroma. He said “Get back on stage where you belong!” And poof, he was gone but the aroma lingered with me. I will never forget it. I’ve always wanted to tell you.
BTW, he wasn’t in make-up and the large purple blotch was on his head just as before. But there was no beard.
I don’t know why or how this happened, but I’ve always wanted to tell you about it. I’ve worked with almost everyone in Hollywood, but somehow have managed to never cross paths with you. That day will come.
Until then, enjoy the new love your life. He’s going to be a keeper. Just believe it.
Your In-spirit Brother,
Peppi Turco
Peppi Turco
P.S.
My fingers aren’t as fast as they used to be, so I missed word and a letter.
After cervical reconstruction, one the message from the brain to type leaves the brain at the same time, but one hand is constantly delayed which mixes the letters up on the screen. It’s getting worse, but so what, it’s life.
Peppi
Kimberly
I am so happy for you, you derserve it! You give me such hope about my own life, and thanks to your book I have figured out my problems and am trying to work on them. You are a very strong and smart women, hopefully I can end with the same outcome! Thank You
Andrea
I also believe that reaching 50 years of marriage is a miracle. My uncles did. I will dedicate a divorced people? They are a family law attorney. Like I believe that love is a good thing but it has nothing to do with marriage. I loved the poem by Rilke. From Uruguay with love.
Susan S.
My husband and I have been married for 48 years. We have weathered my alcoholism, 3 kids, and a year and a half ago our youngest being arrested and incarcerated for 40 years for sexually assaulting his daughter, our grandaughter.
We still love each other, never blamed each other and still make each other laugh.
jackie hutton
Jane it’s a big pleasure to see you on twitter, and reading parts of your life, thanks for being open. Nice to see your neice Brigdet to, I am 47, live in tx, raising one son and I am citymostar on twitter.
You-Tube-Jackie Hutton on Mothers Day, that’s me.
Peace out.
T. Wylie
“In the midst of post surgery I am falling in love”..Jane, you make this amazing statement and then drop it. What’s going on?
lynn
Jane-I am happy you are healing well and are surrounded by such nice people and things.
Still it pains me to read your blog
it reminds me of how little I have at 51.
Then I went to Ashtons ”white party”being broadcast live
-a beautiful pool with a swing
and white drapes flowing everywhere-
while him and Demi greet their friends.
I feel sad not really envious.
I worked so hard all my life as a RN
raised my son alone
-took care of a disabled dad-
everything I was supposed to do
while all my friends were out there getting everything.
I kept saying to myself”50 and life will be better”
Then on my 50 I have a MI and then an emergency Bypass(heart)
I have been sick with a chronic pain condition (lupus)since I was 43-
I am on morphine now and believe me it has side effects.
If I want to get out of bed I take it.
Getting sick costs me everything-
my saving-
my home-
my car-
most of my friends(?)
Now I am 51 and living with Mom-no life at all.
Why do some get it all?
Why did I get nothing?
I want to sit on the beach
I want to have a big pool all fancy…..
It just blows my mind I guess that I am such a ”have not” when I tried so hard.
You look beautiful by the way.
Lynn (The Actors Diet)
Hope you have a wonderful 4th of July!
Gail Thomas
What did you mean by this statement?
“In the midst of post surgery I am falling in love and it’s a splendid way to hasten recovery and I highly recommend it”
Just curious. :=)
Merry Lee
What? Wait a minute. What was that bit you slid in the middle of your descriptions of friends and family? That bit about falling in love? Those of us in your longevity category desperately, hopefully await more.
Kelsey
Glad to hear you’re knee is better. You look great. Happy 4th.
roseann Haggerty
Jane,
I’ve been married 25yrs a hopeless romantic, and would like to know their secrets. Stereotypes are a big part of strife in marriages. As the song goes,” All We Need Is Love” and it encompasses many things. It will be interesting to hear about the different stages of love as the years pass. So happy you are falling in love again, and may All your hearts desires be met. Look forward to hearing more.
Already you are doing so much post operatively, it continues to inspire. Be well.
Keep Shining your Light
Martina
Dear Jane,
We all live for love. It reminds me about the flies that thrive to go to the light that will burn them to death!
I don’t think love ages. We, people do. And this way we miss her sometimes.
jill
Blessings to you this day of Freedom 🙂 Sounds like a lovely holiday. Falling in love hmmm? With the knee or something more fun then that? My daughter is 13 and big fan of Monster in Law and she said you didn’t look older than 40s (my age) you are divinely beautifull and still a catch and not just because of your outer beauty–your inner beauty is stunning.
nirmala heriza
Happy b’day America. Thank God for Jane Fonda. And Obama.
Christopher Hayward
I hope all is well with you and yes, Mr. Turner. I am glad to see you are enjoying yourself in a calm, peacful area of CA I love. Sadly I have only been thru there, a few brief times. You lady still look great, even for your age. Which is all in your frame of mine. Love your movies past or present. Enjoyed living in Atlanta, GA while you and Ted, were the talk of the town. I do hope you shake our nations youth up and do another movie, like your monster inlaw. I think that movie shows how young people today, have taken for granted what people of your generation for for. Womens Lib, to enpower people. Sincerely Chris Hayward, life long fan, yes from San Francisco, CA
leamca
My favorite relationship book is “If the Buddha Dated” by Charlotte Kasl. It isn’t a “turn you into a buddhist” book, but incorporates all spiritualities and it is a fabulous approach to relationships. I recommend it to everyone
ruth
Tell us more about falling in love @ 71 and on crutches!
Dee Thompson
Glad to see the knee surgery hasn’t cramped your style! Good for you!
My parents were married for almost 40 years, until Dad died, and I marvel at that. I’ve never even found someone to marry, despite looking for years. Now I am content with my kids, my writing, and my gardens. Marriage isn’t for everyone.
Jack
Miss Fonda, I’m really looking forward to your book about aging. As a middle-aged male, I’m amazed at the lack of info for men like me who are basically facing all the changes my body and mind are going through. It’s like puberty with mortgage payments. Not to mention the Return of Acne. And why are my joints yelling at me? Anyway–I’m anxious to read what you’ve discovered. Thanks.
Kaylon Plugge
The obvious Question is Who are you fallling in love with? I promise not to tell anyone…..so very happy for you….you have so much love to give…I sure like you.
Haleema
Ok-whay’s this one-liner and then change the subject
“in love”?????
come on where are the details eh
we are happy for you-you deserve love, friendship, and all thats good in the world
Debbie
Ha! I see you have everyone (including me) curious about your comment on “Falling in love at 71” — fantastic! And of course why not? You are just as beautiful as you were in your 20s — and moreso in many ways. Glad to see you are having a wonderful Independence Day weekend with friends and family in Santa Barbara. We’re heading down your way this week — well, not quite — Paso Robles to visit with longtime friends who have a 200-acre Arabian horse ranch, just outside of Paso — it’s a beautiful place and we love spending time there. Have a great week, lovely lady.
Martha
You are still so “cool” Jane. I, with my sagging butt, came to your site to find instructions on how to do the “butt” exercise. I find you chatting with such love and kindness, neat!. Loved “On Golden Pond”..only you could have done that role with such power. Bridget is my favorite actress. I should have been an actress but became a fine artist…here on the east coast!. You are in love with life, that is obvious!
Bill Hillman
Congratulations on the “in love” part and glad the knee is heeling well. I’m sure you will tell us more when the time is right.
Please tell Bridget she is very much missed in films. I thought she was a great actress.
B
Brandon
Wow, Jane. Cheers to your continued happiness! Be well!
Catherine
Jane – I’m liking that you are writing about couples that have withstood time. My parents just celebrated their 50th anniversary last Sept.
They were high school sweethearts and are like two kids now. My Mom telling everyone that when she see’s him walk into the room – she see’s her sailor boy and that he is just as cute today as he was when they first met. My Dad is always kissing & hugging my Mom. [yeah sometime they gross me out – “Get a room already”LOL all lovey dovey!!
Very happy for you and your someone special! ; )
Lynne
Way to go – you are an inspiration to all who read your blog.
Jonathan
Great read, Jane! As usual!
Oh, and Bridget looks great! Assassin (Point of no Return) is a favourite of mine– I think she should make a big comeback!
Have you ever thought of doing a movie together?
XX
jeff
i loved oingo boingo back in the day….
Debra Oliver
Jane,
Glad to hear you are feeling better and enjoying a beautiful time time with your niece and her husband, who are both so talented in their own right. I hope you are falling in love, you deserve love and happiness at any age. You are a strong and inspiring woman. My only regret was not being able to see you in 33 Variations since I very much wanted to make it to NYC before it closed.
Love to you,
Debra Oliver
Charlotte, N.C.
Debdiego03@yahoo.com
Paul B. Priest
SDS = Students for a Democratic Society
Some people may not know.
jeff
they’playing oingo boingo’s just another day on live 105 right now…
Martina
Dear Jane,
I’ll apologize for not following the topic right now, but last night I’ve watched “Monster in Law” and I’ve had the urge to share something with you:
You are GRAND! 🙂
Pam Barrow
My husband’s prayer for me is that “I would be everything God wants me to be” He puts his money where his mouth is, has supported me/sacrificed for me a lot over our 18 yrs of marriage so I could do the things I believed God had for me to do. I do not beleive a marriage is 50/50 – it needs to be both giving everything they can give. Sometimes I can only give a little, sometimes he needs me to give more.; just depending on the day… I do think in a good marriage it evens out over time : ) Love your blog!!!
Janet L.
Hi Jane, just spent the weekend of the 4th celebrating a 50th anniversary for my older cousin. The secret for them? They’ve always laughed together and were best friends. You can see it when they look at each other — still interested in what the other has to say — and they laugh like kids. Looks don’t last — a fun companion will.
Glad you’re healing nicely and your heart is open.
judy
You look and sound fantastic. Have always loved your presents in Hollywood. Very honest, true and real.
A Canadian Fan
Amanda
It’s great to read that your knee is healing more and more every day! Soon you’ll be able to dance the night away if you want:D Enjoy spending time in CA with your friends and family, Jane:D Happy 4th!
Best,
Amanda
Tom Lee
Jane, it sounds like you had a wonderful 4th of July in a marvelous part of the country. Here on the east coast (New England) we’ve had a nice break in a month-long run of wet and chilly weather, which is much appreciated. (Now my fellow Bostonians will have to find something ELSE to complain about!)
Reading about your interview with the long-married Flacks made me think about my relationship with my spouse; we’ve been together for 12 years, married for four; we got hitched soon after the Massachusetts supreme court made it legal for same-sex partners to be wed. Your comment about “the absence of rigid gender stereotypes” certainly applies to us…you can’t be rigid–or stereotypical–when two men are working on creating a successful marriage. Will you address same-sex partnerships and aging in your book? The aging of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender America is of great interest to me (I’m almost 55) and even a mention of it in your book would do so much for broader acceptance.
Zanna
Oooohhh!! Lady Jane, you are such a tease!
We’re all so excited to hear about your new fella.
(oh yeah, and we’re glad you are recovering well and all that) Who is he and how’d you meet him? Your surgeon???? A professor??? I know he is highly intelligent. California guy?
Continue to enjoy your recovery.
And btw, your niece Bridget is an excellent and terrific actor (why can’t we say “actress” anymore?)